hello, it's been a long time since I've last blogged about my life. it's been over a week since I last came back from China. China was a nice place to tour. apart from my inability to converse well in mandarin and the huge amount of smoke that you have to inhale in each day -.- I bet China is smoking heaven for smokers. well spent alot in China. really ALOT. but everything there is so cheap. it's like. anything you buy. is a multiplication of 5fold. well got to know this girl in my tour group. haha. that's about it. I'm really lazy to blog about the whole trip.

I really love sitting on the aeroplane. it just makes you feel free from all your troubles and worries. and the life I once feared is something I must face again. I miss you with all my heart and mind, I still love you with all my heart and mind. I'd give anything just to be with you, again. please forgive me, yourself and us. I'd still pray for you with each day that I live.

well when I touched down, had friends msging me to welcome me back. was really nice. thank you all. well what can I say. bad news and more bad news from choir. sigh. and all the things I wished that I wouldn't do. the life that I fear will come to haunt me again. to all my exco members and members of choir. please forgive me if I had hurt anyone of you, it's not that I wish to.

well. I don't really know what to blog. school's started and I hope to do well for this semester. I've promised God that I would. if I don't He can fail me for all I care.

Dear God, there's so many things in my life I wish I could give up right now. the pain, the suffering and all the emotional hurt. all the things that I fear would consume me again. is coming into me again. please don't my past consume me again. I'm scared, I'm really scared. life as it seems to me. is more about me having to sacrifice myself for others. but it's something I wouldn't mind. I've already lost the person I love. someone I still love even in the face of rejection. I don't want to lose something that I care for. something that even though I used to detest and nearly wanted to quit. a sudden change in events brought me closer to what I want to accomplish for the better. even though I feel so broken. it's something I'm willing to do, something I'm willing to give myself up for. I don't want other people to feel lost just as I am, nor sad just as I cry. I'm willing to bear all the burdens that others have in me. I'd rather one man be broken than a 100 to be of same. but I know that You are a great God, when all these is over, there'll be something greater that whatever I suffer now is all worth it. and I still pray for her. her O levels are coming in a month or so. I pray that You'd bless her with everything she needs and asks for to do well for this important exam. take anything from me if so just so that she can do well for this exam... amen.

lastly, yesterday choir practice turnout was a happy event. I'm glad to have a few members who care. I thank these members. and I thank to all who turned up for yesterday. THANK YOU! well then. we did a song 'the cloths of heaven'. that is the only choir song that I've ever liked so much so I wish I could perform it again. how nice. it was done yesterday. it was so touching I nearly cried. sigh. thank you Matthew for your concern.

this poems goes out to you my brother, Matthew.

A Lyric, Forever in Tune

For all the songs; in the time that transcends.
It never seem how much to be; just how it should be.
A song that stays, forever;
in tune.

For a note that seems to depart,
it leaves only to take a mere reprieve.
For a tune that seem to sound,
it sounds only for songs to hear.

For a brother, that remains,
it takes one to bother.
But a thousand,
to hither.